Mums The Word: Unbelievable Family Secrets Will Blow Your Mind 

They say that happy families are all alike and that every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Now, let us add on to that — every family has its own dark, dirty little secret, and each secret is, well, revealed in its own unique way.
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Reddit users from all over the world shared with us classified information about their relatives they were either told too late or had to find out on their own. Get ready to read stories that will make you appreciate how unexceptional your nutty family actually is.

Passing Judgment

We all have that one person in our family, the one who likes to judge and give advice no one asked for. You’d assume the person who feels so free to talk about other people’s lives would at least be someone who makes sure they do everything right.

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Well, there are expectations and then there’s reality. Apparently, this person’s aunt shouldn’t be the one to talk about anybody’s life… but she does.

Mysterious Money

Money, money, money, it makes the world go round, it must be funny in the rich’s man world and so on and so forth. But, sometimes it can just be the only evidence left from an unsolved mystery. Such is the case in this story.

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This family secret is so secretive, no living person knows the answer to it. When you don’t know your mind can run wild and imagine the craziest things. Well, guess they can use all these coins to hire a private investigator, right?

Guess Our Secret Is Out?

Every family has a secret recipe, a meal so special that its formula has been passed down for generations, carefully kept and handed down. But what happens when you learn that the delicious dish you thought your grand-grandparents developed is as widely known as pizza, pasta, and croissants?

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To his embarrassment, this guy had realized way too late, and in public, that he has been lied to his entire life. At least it was a funny family secret and not a bleak one.

Second Time’s a Charm

Back in the day, people didn’t use to discuss their past at length, especially if that past included a divorce. Before the new millennium, the word was considered dirty, illustrative of the divorcee’s immorality.

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Out of all the ways one could discover that their grama tied the knot with someone else before she met grandpa, an unfamiliar album in the attic has to be the best one. Imagine the grandkid’s surprise!

Nanna, The Criminal

Two short sentences, yet we feel like a whole book could be written about this funny yet tragic family secret. Of course, a large portion of parenting is about protecting your children from knowing the harsh realities of adult life. Nanna going to jail is exactly the time to whip up your best fable.

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But was fat camp really the greatest lie they could come up with? And why did granda go to prison? Did she steal some hair dye or denture glue from the grocery store?

Out of Wedlock

Have we already mentioned people used to have different morals and rules about what is acceptable and what isn’t? Some had to go to a great extent in order to hide what was perceived as a shameful occurrence in the past. Today this is just not that big of a deal.

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Lying about your special day might prove problematic if those who attended the wedding remember the event. But hey, guess they wouldn’t dare to suggest you got your own anniversary wrong!

All in the Family

We are not sure how to respond to this one, firstly, because of the weirdness of it all. Secondly, because of the sheer chance.

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How has such a scheme lasted for so many different generations? Will it continue on forever and ever? Who be will the family’s black sheep, that one person who’ll choose to marry someone who isn’t some type of relative?

Have You Heard of Confidentiality?

You’d expect a trained therapist to know how to keep a secret, right? Isn’t confidentiality, like, the first thing they are taught at school? It should be!

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Just like fight club, the first rule of therapy is that you don’t talk about it, especially not to the patient’s children! Luckily, this guy is just a marriage counselor and not an FBI agent.

Eloping Without Your Fiance

Looking back, we tend to think that life in past decades and centuries used to be a lot simpler. People were nicer, no one strayed, cheated, or caused unnecessary drama, right? Wait until you hear this juicy story about a great-great-grandma who didn’t play by the rules!

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The most awkward part, we think, is that the original fiance still had to attend family dinners with his brother and stolen bride. And you thought your get-togethers were awful!

Changing It Up

We are not sure what is the purpose of this practice. Is this some old family tradition we’ve never heard of? Are the girls in this family perpetually confused about who their actual parents are?

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Honestly, while we can’t fathom any benefits of giving your children away for a couple of years (or any reason why it would only be the girls), we do think this might make for a tight-knit family where everyone is as close as they could be.

Can’t Take the Heat

Kids will believe almost anything you tell them and sometimes won’t revisit the belief your lie created in their minds for years and years. Such was the case for this Reddit user, who was told at a young age it was smoking that had split his aunt and uncle up.

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While we do have to admit that it can be very hard for a non-smoker to date someone who enjoys fuming, it is hardly a reason for divorce!

Stealing the Secret

This story isn’t really about the actual secret, but about how to cunningly learn the family secret even though grandma tells it only to the married. (Preferential treatment, much?) Sure, we would have loved it if the person shared the actual recipe with us, but this story is priceless regardless.

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We believe in equal rights, and everyone deserves the opportunity to try and make nanna’s delicious cake.

The Secret Is a Secret

Just tell us! We’re dying to know what the secret is, there’s just one problem, it is still secret! Was this family member trying to tease and create a fight between this Reddit user and their mother? Or is there something more here?

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This user must be the world’s most incurious person, as they apparently just decided to pull an Elsa and let it go and never ask anyone anything. Well, they have been living with the uncertainty of not knowing what was hidden from them for over fifteen years, and it seems like they are fine with it.

Rockstar Dad

It’s an age-old story, one we mostly encounter while watching outlandish TV shows with unbelievable plotlines. You find out your dad isn’t actually your biological father. Instead, it is a glamorous rock star you’ve admired all your life!

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Is this a dream come true, or a nightmare? Depends on the star, we guess. In this case, the actual child is still in the dark.

The Holy Grail of Secrets

Some users on Reddit just like joking around, which is what we assume this user is doing. Otherwise, he and his family are holding some valuable information. How have they maintained this knowledge?

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Do they hold the Holy Grail at home, hidden in a safe behind a picture? Will we ever know the truth? No? The suspense is killing us, as this is one mystery everyone would love to solve.

‘Tis I

While many chose to share information they have learned about their relatives way too late in life, this poster was herself the secret that was kept from everyone.

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Both her conception and existence were kept so quietly that only nineteen years later when she contacted her mom, did everyone in her family finally find out about her, imagine that! How did the mom hide the pregnancy from all of her family members, though?

What Would Jesus Do?

Someone’s baptism is a big day, not one they’d want to have overshadowed in any way. Well, this Reddit user had their thunder stolen by a fire! But, not only that, the fire was planned and executed by no other than the poster’s family!

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We are just speechless, though you do have to admit a baptism is one of the best alibis out there. But maybe, just maybe they should have asked themselves what would Jesus do? Well… not that.

The Old Lady Who Faked Her Own Death

This sentence could turn into a very successful book serious, “The Old Lady Who Faked Her Own Death,” would fit right next to “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” don’t you think?

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We’d love to hear more details about this one. Why did she do it? How did she do it, and how did her relatives find out? All these questions will forever remain unanswered! One thing is for sure, it must have been a lot easier to fake your own death before cameras and traceable phones!

The Arson Uncle

It seems a lot of family secrets involve relatives engaging in criminal activities in one form or another. Do we really need to mention that arson is a felony?

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It is always cool to learn that your family members are a part of history and were involved in events people study about in schools. We’re assuming he was never caught, otherwise, it would have a different story entirely!

The Pianist

Many secrets are kept hidden because they are, or were shameful in some capacity, but keeping cool things that could have been inspiring as secrets? Not cool, grams!

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Maybe the parents didn’t want this kid to have what they’d call “unrealstic dreams” but, hey, if nanna did it, why couldn’t this guy? All we’re saying is, don’t conceal cool facts about grandparents.

The Naked Truth

Being in public in your birthday suit could really get you into some unnecessary trouble. Still, many high school and college kids find showing off their hips, well, hip! (See what we did there?) What we didn’t know is that the tradition of running around naked is as old as our great-great-grandmothers!

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Could you imagine a good Christian girl doing something like that in church? No, huh? Well, they thought so too, which is why she was banished for life.

Puppy Love

We believe this is the type of family secret that could lead to some serious marital problems. Let’s hope the mailman knows how to keep a secret. It is a long-known fact that some people just adore their pets, while their partners usually find themselves feeling like they were put on the back burner.

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Imagine losing your wife to a dog named Chi-Chi for Christ’s sake. It’s a full-on tragicomedy at this point.

Dough for Days

Most of the things families chose to keep under cover tend to be on the morbid side, this story, on the other hand, makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Learning your ancestors had dough for days is cool enough, but learning they used it to promote a good cause, i.e. helping a public library? Perfection.

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Seriously, could you imagine having enough extra cash to just be able to casually give away a couple of millions? Honestly, neither could we.

Butterscotch chips

Imagine this person’s surprise when they learned they have been lied to for so long about such an important issue. It’s very likely that their world crumbled into little butterscotch chips pieces.

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If there’s something we have learned in life it’s that behind every renowned family recipe there’s always a simple ingredient, one that can be found in every supermarket.  The funniest part is that this person refused to eat anything made with butterscotch chips, thinking there’s no way they’d enjoy it.

Oopsy, Your Secret’s Out!

You know that saying about being careful with what you wish for? Well, apparently you should also be careful with what you joke about, cause it just might turn out to be true. What started as a fun, light joke turned out to be the one thing everyone in the family knew but the jester.

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While an uncomfortable situation for those involved, it sounds like the type of thing they’d get to laugh about again someday. Or maybe just never mention it. It could go both ways.

The Adopted Dad

There’s nothing like learning what drives people and makes them tick, what causes them to behave in one way and not another. We all know things that happened in our childhood have a huge impact on who we become later in life.

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This is the case with this Reddit user’s dad, who appreciates the kindness of his adoptive parents and wants to show the same love and care for animals and people alike.

Fourth Time’s a Charm

They say marriage is for life, but this dad didn’t get the memo, as it seems he has treated marriage like more of a sport. We get walking down the aisle and regretting it the first time, maybe we could even conceive of realizing it was a mistake the second time, but the third?

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And then marrying again for the fourth time after all that disappointment? No wonder the groom’s mother refused to show up, she probably ran out of “mother of the groom” dresses! What can we say? We’re glad the last one lasted

Smoking Out the Secret

If there’s one thing we are sure everyone hates equally it’s gotta be being the last person to discover something. The more obvious the information was, the more oblivious and foolish the person who didn’t know feels.

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In regards to smoking, there are usually really clear tell-tale signs, the most apparent one being a certain smell that tends to linger. Well, this nanna must be an expert at keeping secrets and she’d make a great undercover agent.

Catfishing Your Kid

Boundaries. Sometimes it feels like large portions of the population have never heard anything about them. Our moms usually want what’s best for us, but they tend to have some difficulties when it comes to learning the difference between being caring and being creepy.

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This mom probably missed the day at school when they were learning about privacy, which resulted in her crossing the line and setting up the ground for a very awkward relationship with her kid.

Big Families, Small Towns

A small town or a big city? This is the type of question we all have to ask ourselves at one point or another. Some like busy urban environments while others prefer living in the countryside, where everything is green and quiet.

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One reason as to why you might wanna go with living in a big city is that small places can prove to have a lot fewer options. Food and entertainment are something one could comprise on, marrying family members on the other hand…

Grandpa, Who Are You?

Confessions are dramatic by nature, but there isn’t a more dramatic time to confess something than right before you’re about to kick the bucket. If you’re about to exit this world, at least make a show out of it!

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A show with an open ending is always guaranteed to stay in our minds longer. What did that great great great grandfather do that justified creating a whole new identity? We hope the family figured it out.

Mother-Naked

We have all heard of the term “mother-naked” but we have never thought we’d have to think about that saying, well… literally.

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This poor soul has had the misfortune of learning the thing that is passed down in his family isn’t a tasty recipe or a useful skill, but rather the tendency to enjoy being in the nude around others. Listen, we don’t judge, but also, we kinda do judge, you know?

Beyond the Grave

Funerals are never easy, but this Reddit user attended the world’s most awkward, bizarre funeral, and it was his grandfather’s! Imagine wanting to peacefully say goodbye to your beloved grandfather when all of a sudden, his second family shows up!

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Discovering that someone is cheating and has another family never ends well, but what if you only find out about it after everything ended? It has to be the most inopportune time to find out.

The Coolest Nanna

We are sure your nanna, as well as ours, are angles that have no skeletons in the closet. Actually, we assume all grandmas are sweet old ladies who enjoy baking pies, sewing, and being with their grandchildren.

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But this grandma has a different hobby altogether and it looks like her grandson approves of it. As long as her family is still proud of her, what else does she really need?

Brand Loyalty

Loyalty is a very important quality, one we all look for in partners and friends. But, we are not sure this girl’s ancestor really got what it meant. Sure, he waited for each wife to pass before he moved on to one of her… family members… that’s a sentence we never thought we’d find ourselves writing.

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At least this Reddit user could find the humor in her family’s weird history. And hey, it was back in the 1800s, so maybe this was cool back then? (It probably wasn’t.)

The Mafia

Don’t you just love it when someone manages to completely blow your mind in one single sentence? This is the type of hidden info that should not be taken lightly. We have all watched enough of “The Sopranos” to know we really, really don’t want to mess with the mafia.

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We hope, for this user’s sake, that their relatives are on the mob’s good side! We also hope they didn’t find out about the mafia connection the hard way…

Family History

One of America’s most important, proudest moments was when the Declaration of Independence was signed. Could you envision one of your very own founding fathers signing it? You know, that little document Mr. Thomas Jefferson wrote, no biggie.

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Of course, everyone knows the best way we can all celebrate our independence today is by posting our opinions online. We are sure this person’s ancestors would have been pleased with him.

As Bald as a Coot

While we would never judge anyone for figuring things a little bit too late, we thought it was common knowledge that at some point during their lives, most men lose their hair.

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To the grandkid’s defense, it seems like the grandfather was pretty good at hiding the truth, until one day he wasn’t. But really think about it — the family’s darkest secret? Grandpa is blad!

What Happens in Vegas

Vegas weddings are usually a bad idea. They are cheap, far from romantic, and mostly, probably done in secret, which isn’t a good start for marriage if you ask us.

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Honestly, up until now, we assumed Vegas wedding chapels only existed for teenagers who elope, but we guess there was one point in which everything spiritual idealistic grandparents wanted was for Elvis to wed them.

The Rodent Who Lived

During our childhood, we have all asked our parents for a dog. Most of them got us something lame instead, like a fish, or in this guy’s case, a.. gerbil. When the pet passed away, we had a burial ceremony, in which we gave a nice eulogy and allowed everyone to say goodbye to Goldie the goldfish.

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But this girl’s mom and dad had a brilliant idea. Just replace the pet! Sadly, it seems they couldn’t tell the difference between a hamster and a gerbil, a fact which definitely blew their cover.

The Silent Treatment

Communicating isn’t the easiest thing to do, and sometimes, ironically, it becomes harder the longer you know a person. We all know at least one person or even were the person who just gave their significant other the silent treatment for a couple of hours to teach them a lesson.

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Now, envision that method on a much, much, much larger scale and you get the above story. How did these two manage to go two decades in the same house without talking to each other?

23&Me

If you don’t know what 23&me is, where have you been? It’s one of these genetic testing companies that allow you to learn where your ancestors are from.

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Many have already complained that the rise of ancestral examinations has actually made it a lot harder to keep family secrets. We bet their mom had a lot to explain. We wouldn’t want to put ourselves in her shoes!

A Special Friend

As kids, we sometimes don’t really understand things that seem obvious to adults. This can lead to hysterical situations, like with this little girl, who never understood why her aunt always got to bring a friend to family dinners while she couldn’t.

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Luckily no one actually has to spell this secret out for her, as when she was a teenager she finally put two and two together!

From Rags to Riches, to Nothing.

What’s worse, to never have something in the first place, or knowing you almost had it all, just to have it taken away because of a technicality? The second one, duh!

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A lot of the actions people try to keep undercover are cheating-related. Sure, deception isn’t the most ethical thing to do, but really, great-great-grandma? Couldn’t you have kept your transgression to yourself? This affair cost all of your offspring a lot of money.

A Foxy Nurse

There is a lot to unpack here, don’t you think? Whether the fact that uncles sometimes go to these sleazy bars is a secret or not, that depends on the family. But if it was, well, it’s the most unfortunate place to have an unexpected health issue in.

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But, in a twist of fate, Mr. Uncle actually was lucky to be in that despicable place, as the kind lady who danced with him was also a nurse. Maybe there’s a moral to this story, somewhere? Honestly, if there is we couldn’t find it.

A Forgotten Secret

Is there any chance you’d forget whether you ever shared very secretive, crucial information with someone or not? Yeah, we wouldn’t lose our memory about such a topic either, but Reddit users are here to prove anything can happen!

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Having everyone learn your secret is one thing, misremembering if it was ever told is another. There really isn’t a way out of this situation at this point.

CIA Grandad

Out of all the things one could learn about their father’s father after they have already passed this is one of the most thrilling ones. Who wouldn’t enjoy learning they had their own version of James Bond in the family?

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Sure, the signs were always there, but it’s not every day that you get your little conspiracy theory confirmed by government documents! We think CIA grandad would make for a great TV show.

Mom’s Little Helper

Being a perfect housewife is hard. No, scratch that, being any type of housewife, perfect or otherwise, is really, really, hard. We really do understand why sometimes (or always) moms would just prefer to serve a pre-made meal.

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How ironic that the kids enjoyed the boxed meal a lot more than the mother actually expected? This just proves there really isn’t any point in cooking, especially for children.

The Other Woman

When we’re young we think our parents and grandparents are perfect, moral humans who couldn’t hurt a fly. Then we grow up and we learn that grandparents are people too and they can engage in shady behavior as if they were silly little teenagers.

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Up until now, we thought the safest thing was to keep affairs on the down-low, not to have them come to family functions. Somehow, they did manage to keep it a secret for over 20 years. So… good for them, we guess?

Bad Credit

Being married is not a picnic, but an obstacle course. One obstacle could be falling for someone who, god forbid, has really really bad credit. Such was the case with this user’s dad.

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His parents were not going to let that stop them from buying a house though, so they got a divorce and stayed together until they did. At which point they were already divorced! Are you following? It was hard for us to grasp too.