People largely associate large-scale drug operations with cutthroat throat-cutters and folks who use gunshots as handshakes, but some big-time dope dealers have the killer instinct of a Care Bear and opt to arm themselves with reassuring hugs. U.K. couple Susan Cooper and Michael Foster certainly fell into that category.

Working from a pair of farmhouses in rural England, Foster and Cooper sold an estimated £400,000 worth of self-grown weed, according to The Telegraph. To hide their dealings from narcs, they passed their pot plant off as a “pottery business.” But despite embracing a life of criminality and chronic puns, the couple didn’t let their morals go to pot. Instead, Cooper and Foster behaved like cannabis-powered Santa Clauses. Except, rather than stuffing stockings with THC and Doritos, they gave the gifts of TLC and dinero to a group of struggling villagers.

The drug-dispensing duo spent a huge chunk of their illicit income on life-changing and sometimes life-saving endeavors in Diani, Kenya. As The Telegraph recounted, Cooper and Foster financed everything from eye surgery to children’s education. In one case, they saved a man’s life by paying for a much-needed leg amputation. Unfortunately, philanthropy isn’t enough to halt a judge’s gavel. Once cops caught on, the couple was arrested, sentenced to three years in prison in 2012, and ordered to pay the government £60,000. Good thing, too. That drug money might have gone to something sinister, like school books. 

Drug addiction turns getting high into one of life’s low points. It enslaves the body, empties the wallet, and purportedly turns brains into fried eggs. Viewed from this perspective, it sort of makes sense that drugs get governments up in arms. Failure to act could result in a world of cackling cokeheads with omelets between their ears. Of course, some anti-drug warriors care nothing about breakfast brains. Craig Glazer and Don Woodbeck, for instance, simply wanted payback.

As UPI detailed, Glazer and Woodbeck were fine and dandy with dope until a dangerous figure called J.D. did them wrong in a series of drug deals during the late 1960s. Woodbeck professedly smuggled pot with J.D. until their relationship went south and J.D. went homicidal. Glazer’s gripe stemmed from drug peddlers robbing his buddies, according to the LA Times. Eventually, the two men joined forces and began sticking up dope dealers while dressed as cops and other government agents.

The faux Five-O allegedly pulled off 33 robberies from Massachusetts to Arizona. The duo further claimed to have shot J.D. Evidently, the real cops were impressed because they employed Glazer and Woodstock as undercover officers, but their glory days were disaster-bound. First, they got canned for framing suspects. Then someone (perhaps a drug pusher) killed Woodbeck. Later, Glazer was convicted for laundering money in a scheme to rip off dope dealers who were secretly narcs. Ironically, Glazer’s addiction to fighting drugs was his downfall. 

The U.K. specializes in depressing weather and vitamin D deficiency. So it makes sense for Brits to take television seriously. It’s likely their main source of sunshine, after all. Even so, it would take a special kind of crazy to commit a historic heist over TV access. Luckily for history, John Bunton fit that bill.

Coincidentally, it was a bill that led to Bunton’s crime, namely the BBC license fee. For the unacquainted, the U.K. essentially levies a tax for watching TV. During the 1960s, Bunton’s dad, Kempton, led the charge against that charge. As The Guardian explained, Pa Bunton felt the fee placed undue strain on retirees. To bolster his father’s crusade, John Bunton became the first person to rob London’s National Gallery.

Aided by a ladder and an unsecured bathroom window, J-Bun entered the building and exited with a famed Goya painting of the Duke of Wellington. He then delivered it to daddy. Kempton Bunton in turn tried to ransom the artwork for £140,000, which he intended to give to charity. However, the plan flopped like a panicked salmon. He eventually returned the painting and served three months behind bars for stealing its frame (authorities deemed him too old and oval-shaped to have stolen the portrait). John Bunton later confessed but never did time. In fact, his admission wasn’t made public for 51 years. His crime, meanwhile, was referenced in a Bond film. If that’s not winning at life, nothing is.

Whenever Uber enters a new place, existing ride services get defensive. After all, no one likes interlopers, especially when they intercept customers. Customarily, competitors (and everyone else on Earth) attack Uber litigiously, citing its questionable business practices. But one angry Aussie haunted Uber drivers like an avenging road wraith. 

That wrathful wraith was Russell Howarth, a non-ghost who spent 2014 placing Uber drivers under citizen’s arrest. (Above is a video he made to brag about it.) Financially and perhaps ethically bankrupt, he was something of a mixed bag. The Guardian pointedly observed that the self-proclaimed “Uber Vigilante” is married to the owner of a rival ride-sharing service. So clearly, Howarth wasn’t driven by altruism. However, he also had a legal justification. As the Sydney Morning Herald acknowledged, when Uber began operating in New South Wales, its activities ran afoul of the Passenger Transport Act (which the state later amended). Howarth both recognized and reviled this fact.

Hoping to put Uber in its place and out of business, Howarth ordered rides from the company for the sole purpose of detaining its employees. During one of those encounters he placed a driver in a wrist hold and called police to the scene. In a separate altercation highlighted by the Sydney Morning Herald, Howarth tailed his target like a sanctimonious stalker until he could make an arrest. Predictably, Uber hit back with a lawsuit. A judge put the brakes on Howarth’s harassment and required him to pay $400,000 in court costs.

Any doctor will tell you that eating garbage is like throwing your life away. But it’s not always easy to stock your fridge with quinoa and kale sandwiches. For example, according to Statistics Canada, a community health survey determined that 8.3 percent of Canadian households experienced food insecurity between 2011 and 2012. Put plainly, about 1 in 12 families survived on subpar diets, usually for financial reasons. Sadly, treating that problem takes more than prescribing healthier food. You also have to defraud the government.

Luckily for Roland Wong’s patients, he didn’t mind a little swindling, or even a lot of swindling. As the Toronto Star detailed, the Ontario-based physician regularly lied to help poor families qualify for government-funded food stipends. For over three years, Wong diagnosed entire families with constipation and assorted food allergies, mostly without running tests. By the time he was caught, the doctor had written 13 percent of all the special diet forms in Ontario. Thankfully, the Hippocratic Oath says nothing about lying. However, the law does.

Wong’s deceit cost the government $1.8 million. He himself illegally earned $718,000, but instead of splurging on solid gold stethoscopes, Wong spent most of his earnings on food for his patients and food bank donations. Despite clearly intending to do no harm, the doctor lost his license for six months, the Toronto Star reported. He also got slapped with a $60,000 fine. Wong’s greatest regret: being unable to see his patients.