When Mike “I wanna eat your children” Tyson committed light cannibalism during his infamous ear-bite fight with Evander Holyfied, it made for one of the craziest sports moments ever to air on American television. It also made for one of the weirdest boxing disqualifications, though maybe not the weirdest. What Curtis Harper (above) did in 2018 might take the ear-flavored cake. Not that Harper would have eaten a piece. Unlike Tyson, Harper wanted no part of his opponent, Efe Ajagba. Despite having signed a contract for a televised fight and allowing himself to be introduced for said fight, Harper exited the ring and the arena immediately after the opening bell. He was disqualified one second into the bout. 

Harper’s departure left “Ajagba and everyone else dumbfounded,” per ESPN. Ajagba’s promoter tried to spin the incident, declaring, “He defined what the most feared man in boxing means: no punch necessary. A look and the opponent runs, runs out of the ring.” ESPN noted that Ajagba was undefeated and had knocked out his previous five opponents. Did Harper get cold feet and decide to warm them up by running away? The flighty fighter denied being scared and insisted he wasn’t being paid enough, which made him feel disrespected. Harper’s understandably ticked-off trainer accused him of lying about the pay issue but didn’t provide an alternative motive.

According to Smithsonian magazine, the 1904 Olympic marathon was incredibly bizarre, thanks in no small part to professional bricklayer and epic prankster Fred Lorz. Lorz etched his name in the annals of sports comedy when he stopped running and rode in a car for 11 miles, “waving at spectators and fellow runners as he passed.” After passing the finish line on foot, he nearly received the gold medal but got disqualified. Lorz said he completed the marathon in jest, which makes sense, given that he didn’t even try to hide in his a performance-enhancing vehicle. But when Rob Sloan caught a bus during the UK’s Kielder Marathon in 2011, he was dead serious about cheating to win. Well, sort of win.

Sloan only came in third, per the BBC. Even weirder, he ran at least 20 miles before using public transportation. Multiple eyewitnesses saw him, and the bus driver recalled talking to him. Nonetheless, three months after being caught bus-handed, Sloan maintained his innocence, blaming the eyewitness accounts on “mistaken identity.” He also questioned the sanity of anyone who would run most of a marathon, only to cheat and not even win. It’s almost as crazy as Sloan thinking that his “distinctive tattoos” would go unnoticed and that nobody would spot him exiting a bus and “[running] through the bushes.” He eventually confessed.

No set of twins will ever be weirder than bodybuilding robot Arnold Schwarzenegger and former hairdresser Danny DeVito. But identical twin sisters Madeline and Margaret de Jesús certainly give SchwarzeVito a run for their money. Or at least they would if they hadn’t been banned from running after the 1984 Olympics. 

Madeline and Margaret didn’t have identical athletic abilities. As reported by Remezcla, Madeline qualified for the long jump and the 4×400-meter relay and would represent Puerto Rico at the Los Angeles Games. Margaret, meanwhile, qualified for zilch, which presumably made her the Danny DeVito in this scenario. She was still a skilled athlete, though, which came in handy when Madeline injured herself during the long jump and needed someone to replace her in the relay. You see where this is going. Madeline was replaced by her sister Danny DeVito, played by Margaret.

With Margaret’s help, the Puerto Rican relay team reached the finals. But an eagle-eyed journalist recognized the twins’ single distinguishing feature, “a beauty mark,” and brought the ugly charade crashing down. The relay coach pulled the team from competition and tried to plead ignorance despite having been told about the planned switch beforehand. Madeline, Margaret, and their coach were banned from future Olympic events. The supposedly banned Madeline would compete in the long jump at the 1988 Olympics, though we can’t rule out the possibility that it was a secret triplet.

Nowadays, wrestling is often associated with the pomp and circumstance of the WWE. But Olympic wrestling is one of the most natural sports in existence. It’s so natural that in the ancient world, competitors dressed like naturists, grappling in the buff while slathered in olive oil. Though you won’t see glistening nudists in modern Olympic contests, at the 2016 Rio Games, a pair of Mongolian wrestling coaches gave spectators the next best thing. 

Coaches Tserenbaatar Tsogbayar and Byambarinchen Bayaraa had a half-naked conniption after judges penalized their wrestler, Mandakhnaran Ganzorig, costing him the bronze medal in the 65kg (143 pounds) freestyle competition. As The Guardian explained, with 18 seconds left in the match, Ganzorig had a one-point lead over Uzbekistan’s Ikhtiyor Navruzov. Confident he would win, Ganzorig “taunted his opponent by dancing around him,” and the coaches carried him around the mat in celebration. This didn’t sit well with the judges, who awarded a point to Navruzov. When the Mongolian coaches objected, the judges handed Navruzov another point and the victory.

Furious, the coaches began removing their clothes and approaching the judges, answering the age-old question, what would Magic Mike look like without the magic? The men threw their shoes down, and one stripped to his undies as the crowd chanted, “Mongolia!” After performing their version of a mic drop the coaches got tossed from the arena.

The world of MMA has seen its share of fast and terrifying knockouts, all of which are impressive in their own brain-damaging way. But the best kind of KO might be the self-knockout. Putting your own lights out might sound embarrassing, but it also sounds like Fight Club, which would at least make you part Brad Pitt. Besides, no self-knockout could be as embarrassing as the time Drew Chatman managed to lose to a guy who knocked himself out. 

In 2018, Chatman traded blows with Irvins Ayala at LFA 36. This was Chatman’s pro debut, a chance to make a big impression. And his knee made a huge impression on Ayala’s face, though you could argue it was the other way around. Ayala tripped Chatman and went for a hammerfist, only to slam his chin into Chatman’s knee, knocking himself out. Deadspin aptly described it as the “dumbest way possible” to win a debut, but that dumbness was quickly surpassed by what happened next. Seized by excitement, Chatman hopped onto his motionless opponent’s back and performed a front flip. Since striking opponents after the bell is prohibited, Chatman got disqualified, giving us one of the craziest disqualifications in sports history.