As of mid-2020, NBA legend Michael Jordan has two houses for sale. The first, as described by Forbes, is barely even worth mentioning: at 9,574 square feet and featuring just five bedrooms, seven and a half bathrooms, an infinity pool, a golf simulator, Italian marble countertops, and situated on 3.93 acres of land, the Park City, Utah property is basically a hovel unfit for raccoons to give birth in.
No, we’re here to talk about the mansion: Michael Jordan’s mansion in the Highland Park neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois. Currently listed on Zillow at just a kiss under $15 million, it’s been chilling on the market since 2012, in large part due to the fact that the kid from Blank Check didn’t have the forethought to add a couple more zeroes to his payout. The place is enormous, and more heavily Michael Jordan-themed than the proposed Moron Mountain theme park attraction. Unfortunately for His Airness, nobody seems interested in dropping half the GDP of Tuvalu on a permanent Michael Jordan-themed mid-’90s Nickelodeon Magazine Ultimate Sleepover Giveaway.
Live like the second-billed star of Space Jam
It would be difficult to argue that the mansion at 2700 Point Drive isn’t incredible. Its features are near endless. There’s a putting green, a tennis court, and an in-ground pool. There are nine listed bedrooms, fifteen full bathrooms, a basketball court, and a cigar room. The property listing even notes that the place comes with, and this is important, a microwave. You wouldn’t need to bring your own microwave. That’s the level of affluent, East Egg luxury we’re dealing with here.
The problem that Business Insider points out, from a seller’s perspective, is that the property is definitively Michael Jordan’s. The basketball court? It has the Jumpman logo built into the floor, with Jordan’s kids’ names inlaid. That putting green? The little flags have Michael Jordan on them. The gate at the front of the driveway has a big fat number 23 right in the middle of it, in all likelihood confusing at least one mailman on their first day. While it’s not explicitly mentioned that the toilets are shaped like Larry Bird, it’s difficult to imagine a world where they aren’t.
The home was custom built for Jordan in 1995. It would take a whole lot of un-customizing if the new owner wanted to make it seem like something besides the last word in sports memorabilia.
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