Now, by 2005, Steven Seagal’s career was already past its peak. Nonetheless, this was the year he announced the release of Lightning Bolt, the so-called “Asian Experience energy drink” … and the world collectively collapsed with mocking laughter. According to Adweek, Seagal claimed that he’d personally backpacked through Asia in search of the drink’s ethereal ingredients, resulting in a beverage that held “untold power.” These ingredients, according to Gizmodo, included green tea (so mystical, huh?), Tibetan goji berry, gingko biloba, and Asian cordyceps, a combination which led to Seagal boasting that, “I have traveled the world creating this drink; there is none better.” And you could have it all for the price of one $2.99 can.

What, you’re thinking this was a spoof? Nah. A guy inflated with the gargantuan self-importance of Steven Seagal could never intentionally be so goofy. Just to make sure, though, Gawker did double-check and confirmed that Lightning Bolt was a real drink. Lest you think all the Asian stereotypes bundled up in this weren’t offensive (and uncomfortable) enough, Lightning Bolt’s painfully bad commercials also injected quite a bit of misogyny into the proceedings, as they featured bikini-clad women, framed as Seagal’s employees, being made to swim in a pool full of Lightning Bolt, while Seagal himself generally acted smug and creepy with them.