Hippocrates, the Ancient Greek known as the “Father of Modern Medicine,” claimed the true cure for resolving hair loss was to opt for castration. Although that method was probably as unpopular then as it would be today, he perceived that eunuchs were adorned with flowing locks. Perhaps less drastically, he also suggested a potion composed of horseradish, pigeon stool, beetroot, various spices, and opium.

Another early method to combat hair loss was sought in snake oil, endorsed by the Sutherland Sisters working with traveling patent medicine salesmen in the late 1800s. The sisters apparently had very impressive heads of hair, though the purported treatment was later revealed as a hoax (via Hairskeen).

Julius Caesar went an entirely different route and launched the infamous combover, by means of growing out the remaining back hair long and using it to cover up the bald areas up front. His hair, however, struggled to stay in place, so Cleopatra created a shampoo of mice, bear grease, and horse teeth to serve as a gel to help the hair hold its form, but it didn’t work. According to Forbes, other Romans also utilized a rubbing lotion of myrrh berries on the scalp, though that, too, was a no-go.

If castration and applying soup poltices made of animal parts aren’t your thing, perhaps resignation to fate and genetics is the best option. After all — Sir Patrick Stewart, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis…