Hilarious signs only found in Texas

Texans are tough cookies, and we all know they aren’t to be messed with! That’s why when you see some of the signage around the state you might be surprised by their humor but also how straight to the point they appear. Texans can be dry and witty, but this is all within a friendly embrace. Whether you live in Texas or visiting you would be best advised to actually listen to what these signs are telling you, otherwise who knows what might happen…

 

Signs in Texas can take care in showing you how to avoid dangerous situations and possible death, especially a painful one. The tone can sometimes be a bit condescending making you feel silly for even contemplating that you might ignore the warning on the sign. Lesson number one; listen to what the sign is telling you!

Attention!

Firearms are relatively common in Texas, and this sign looks to cover all of the options.

 

With an air of humor about it, the owners of this establishment clearly don’t want people to take their firearms out of their holsters, but if you are doing so to help them with someone trying to rob them, you will be thanked.

Please Do Not Enter

The United States of America has a culture of suing, and this sign looks to lay out the series of events for the passerby.

 

You have been warned that you may get hurt and that your defense won’t stand up in a court of law as this will be used as evidence against you!

Danger

Signs can state the obvious, and this one is a perfect example. Helicopters make lots of noise, and if you can’t figure out that the big thing with the spinning blades might be a dangerous thing for you to approach unsupervised, then the big bold letters at the top also try and make it clear.

Getty Images Photo by Carterdayne

There is a sense of humor in this sign too!

Life After Death

This is one of the age-old questions. If you’re not sure, this sign is warning you that you might be able to find out by trespassing.

 

For those less interested in dying, it’s advised to stay well away from the area to be safe.

Dads and Daughters

Guns are a popular theme here in Texas, and it’s likely that lots of dads will own a gun.

 

If you wrong their daughters, you may find yourself in trouble. So that’s a warning to those boys out there who might think of dumping a girl, because their dad may be on to you!

Jail Sale

This person clearly didn’t listen to the warning signs and is getting ready for a period of incarceration. Before they head off, it looks like they are trying to sell a few things to get a bit of cash ahead of their jail time.

 

Time to head over and see if we can find a bargain.

Bring Your Own

This sign is being lighthearted about men picking up women in bars.

 

You may have to bring a date to be sure you’ll spend your evening with a lovely lady, as the bar owners aren’t responsible for your chances at romance.

Patients

Bartenders can sometimes feel under pressure if lots of people are trying to get drinks at once.

 

This sign is reminding you to be patient, with a twist of humor to make you smile and remind you to wait your turn.

Beer

If you’re post-break-up, this may be the place to drown your sorrows.

 

They promise ex-tra cold beer for those times when you want to remember why you broke up in the first place.

Big Nachos

This is an interesting statement as we know people come in all shapes and sizes.

 

Are they suggesting they will match the portion of nacho’s to the size of the customers behind? Either way, there is free wifi available so you can upload a picture of your nachos when they do eventually arrive.

Food Pyramid

Texan’s sure love their food. Lots of meat, ice cream, pies and of course Tex Mex. A combination of Mexican food with a Texan twist.

 

Expect Texan size portions here, and a steak shaped like the state.

Vegetarian

We just saw how much Texan’s love their food, and their favorite food has got to be meat, and lots of it!

 

Here is a sign which has the classic Texan humor and focuses on how much they love their meat.

Trucks vs SUV

Another thing Texan’s love is their cars, but not just any car, Texan’s love their trucks.

 

On this sign, we can see what they consider to be a truck and with their dry wit, what kind of vehicle does not a car make.

Speed Limit

With big cars and wide-open freeways, you could find yourself cruising at dangerously high speeds.

 

This sign tells you the facts, gives you the options and then because you’re in Texas tells you to throw caution to the wind. Don’t blame the sign if you get caught for speeding.

Texas Map

This map gives you some perspective over the size of Texas.

 

Second, only to Alaska, you get the idea of how much land mass there is in Texas and why it’s no surprise that it can take whole days of driving just to get from one side to the other.

The Four Seasons

Texas is in the South and so close to the equator, therefore making the temperature hot.

 

In some areas it is hot and humid, others have more arid conditions, but one thing is for sure, summertime in Texas is hot hot hot.

Dust

With high temperatures and very little rain, Texans will enjoy the sign as a joke about the lid of a beer bottle will suffice.

 

This obviously excludes areas that are susceptible to hurricanes, but for the most part, Texans collect more dust than rain.

Bipolar

There are exceptions to every rule, and the town of Laredo is one of those exceptions.

 

They have changeable weather and can jump from scorching heat to a wintery downpour from one day to the next. This small town, where everyone knows everyone also keeps visitors in check with a weather warning.

Population

Another small town called Alpine also has a sense of humor about their community. Listing all its stats, it’s then added them into a total with some simple arithmetic.

 

Who said anything thing about inflated numbers?

Karate Psychic

They say it’s important to diversify your business. This person took it very seriously and decided to offer two services that you might not combine together naturally.

 

But then again, you can never know if psychic karate could be for you.

Cat Food

Service station food is not known to be the healthiest or the tastiest.

 

This sign is here to tell you that other options do exist for as cheap as they sell it in a service station and it won’t look or taste disgusting either.

Sorry Were Open

As signs go, this one is pretty confusing. Not only will people not be sure if they are open or closed but it also probably won’t attract too many people inside.

 

Maybe someone should let them know that they shouldn’t be sorry about being open.

Texan Humor

This sign acts as a warning, but we aren’t sure to what. It isn’t clear that there is a bridge nearby and how low the bridge is.

 

It would be much more helpful to have the maximum height allowed, but then again, this is classic Texan humor.

R U Hairy?

Perhaps Texans like messaging to be blunt and to the point. This sign cuts out any niceties and asks a straightforward question.

 

If this sign were to speak to you, then being forward and asking a simple question might be just the ticket for you.

OOL

This sign is a warning that isn’t obvious as soon as you read it but makes you think for a second. Having a clear message is important but making people remember what you’re trying to tell them is equally important.

 

This can be achieved by driving a message home. We totally agree with this sign, as the message is on point and it’s a pretty disgusting thing to do.

Mommy

You’ll find this restaurant in Austin, and it is known for its classic Texan humor.

 

It’s best not to think about whether these words are right or not, but to take your mom for a drink as she probably deserves it!

Tight Pants

Austin and this restaurant clearly have a great sense of humor. These are fun facts that any visitor and resident can verify.

 

Maybe this should replace the traditional welcome sign as you enter the city?

Soy Milk

Here’s another sign from the same funny restaurant. It’s definitely something to think about, as “soy” in Spanish simply means “I am” so if milk could introduce itself this would be quite a funny thought to consider.

 

It’s obviously just a joke so to that we will say, “No soy senor”.

Yoga

Another sign from our funny Austin eatery. This time it’s warning you that this is your last chance to stop and there won’t be any food options for a while.

 

If you’re in the mood for yoga instead, then that’s probably a good thing.

Real Estate

Well, it may be true that house prices might be rising, and we all know how Willie Nelson feels about things getting high.

 

Making light of a serious subject is what this restaurant seems to do best with their signs.

Brian Williams

Thanks, Brian! We’re pleased to know this. We know from your day job that you’re in touch with what’s going on in the world.

 

Now, if you could give us some more information on the catering company that would also be really useful!

Batman

It’s important to be happy and to love yourself.

 

It’s also important to have ambition and to have something to aim for, and if you get an opportunity to ride in the Batmobile, we say take it! That would be a tick in a lot of people’s bucket lists.

Drink & Derive

We all know not to mix drinks, but who knew there was anything wrong with trying to do some math was dangerous ground too?

 

Here we are with more classic Texan humor and the restaurant owners making light of drink driving with a clever pun. A serious message delivered in a lighthearted way.

Green Burnt Orange

Jordan Speith is one of the youngest pro golfers to ever take the green jacket at Augusta, so we think he deserves all the congratulations he can get.

 

Having a Texan win the championship is clearly a source of pride for our favorite funny signed restaurant.

Cookies

Sometimes signs throw us questions that make us think. Here they might have a point. Cookies are baked and not cooked and would fall under baked goods and not general cookery so why aren’t they called bakies?

 

This will just have to remain under one of those classic unanswered questions.

Lego

Another serious question to ponder. There probably are one or two more things that are more painful than stepping on a piece of lego, but that is definitely up there.

 

Stubbing your toe will also make you hop around in pain, and so will walking into the corner of your coffee table. Luckily, within a minute of two the pain will subside and you will be able to get on with your day.

Sports

Texas love their Longhorns, whether it’s the football, basketball or baseball teams, it seems they all share the same name.

 

We are sure they appreciate all of the compliments on this sign. It’s a triple thread to be smart, strong and sexy!

Dear Vegans

It would appear this restaurant is not so vegan-friendly. There is much evidence that a plant-based lifestyle is better for the body and the environment but we still like their humor.

 

We think there is probably enough food for both the animals and vegans to share.

Drive Friendly

Driving friendly means that you keep in slow in built-up areas and then turn into a speed machine on the highway.

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The Texan highways are known for their somewhat aggressive driving. So, slow and steady usually wins the race, unless you’re on a highway in Texas.

Hell

The town of Hondo has a strong religious atmosphere, and even on their welcome sign, they refer to it as being God’s country. They are asking their residents and visitors to adopt some friendly Texan driving and keep it nice and slow in built-up areas.

 

You might even be able to enjoy the local scenery as you pass through the town of Hondo.

Happy

There is indeed a town called Happy, and they know how to sell themselves. So, as they say, turn that frown upside down and get smiling.

 

There is nothing more important to the residents of Happy than being happy and making visitors feel welcome.

No Brain

Signs like this are typical of Texan humor. It may be programmed correctly, but the human mind is just as powerful and is asking whoever is operating this machine to think carefully when they are using it.

 

Sometimes machines can also malfunction so require human intervention. For this, the operator needs to think carefully and use their knowledge.

Math

The restaurant in Austin strikes again with another hilarious sign. We are told that as grown ups, we need to be able to resolve problems that come our way.

 

This isn’t the first clever math pun we’ve seen but it’s the perfect word trick to bring a smile to the face of any passer-by.

God

Flan or Plan? Which every God has in mind for us, we hope it tastes as good as a flan does. Some say that flan is heavenly so perhaps this is what inspired this pun.

 

Whether is a flan or a plan this restaurant is giving us another funny play on words for us to enjoy.

Heimlich

This is a great question, and the answer is yes! For those who might ever need it, you need to make a fist with your hands, press it into your upper abdomen and make a quick upward movement.

 

Don’t tell us we don’t give your useful information here.

Vegetables

Some call it a vegetable drawer, others call it a beer crisper. Potato Potato, Tomato Tomato.

 

We guess it depends on how you look at it.

Tequila

These aren’t quite the words of Pumba and Timone, but we think they’d enjoy this twist on the original.

 

Either way, you’d have no worries!

Now Hiring

After a really good workout you might feel really proud of yourself, but in Texas humor rules, so unless you’ve got a funny story to tell alongside it, people might not be so interested.

 

Bear that in mind when you’re re-telling your gym stories.

Bobby Pins

If you want to know where your girlfriend has been, just follow the trail of hair clips she leaves in her wake.

 

Bobby pins may help a girl keep her hair in check, but they seem to disappear faster than Houdini.

Today`s Sign

When you think things can’t get any weirder, there is a new phrase or joke that will make sure you reconsider just how strange this word can be.

 

With so many funny signs around its no surprise that the guys also want to get rid of their laughter lines.

Willy Wonka

Well, it was the survival of the fittest in a way.

 

I guess it makes us think about the Oompa Loompa’s and all of the challenges in a whole new light.

Watch The Road

This is very true, but it almost feels like it’s trying to catch us out. Maybe you’re a passenger and taking in the signs as you drive by.

 

If you’re a driver though, remember to “Look, watch and listen at all times.”

Warning!

Warning: This sign may make you laugh!

 

It’s true that mistakes need to made for lessons to be learned, so we hope no passers-by were hurt in the reading of this sign.

Good Grammar

The art of irony is being displayed on this sign. Don’t be fooled, they know they’ve made a grammatical mistake, they are just doing it to make a point.

 

We have to hand it to them, it is funny.

We Love Kids

It is very true that children demand a lot from their parents, and they say the older they get, the bigger the problem.

 

We can only hope that the tax breaks will increase as the size of the problem does. See, we can make jokes too!

Selfie

Who needs an apple when you have a smartphone or a camera?

 

Maybe it says a lot about you if you are constantly snapping selfies, so next time, instead of trying to capture the moment, just live it.

Coffee

What is it about our morning coffee that makes us a happier and better person?

 

Whatever it is, we apologize if we have caused offense by not being adequately caffeinated at all times.

If Only

These are some wise words.

 

Learn from this guys mistakes and the restaurant’s humor about how to make those around you smile.

A Sad Breakfast

We suppose it depends on what your definition of brunch is…

 

But it’s true that most things are improved with the addition of a cocktail, you just need to be able to handle alcohol before 12pm.

Spellchecker

Our favorite Austin restaurant does it again, this time using irony and language to make their joke.

 

So even though their food may be delicious, they could probably still benefit from a spellchecker.

Candy Crush

Requests like this are some of the most annoying on the internet, and this restaurant wants you to know exactly how annoying they find them.

 

We’re totally with you on this one!

Cowboys Are Democrats

Texas is known for being a Republican state so to vote Democrat might be an unusual choice for some.

 

It shouldn’t matter where you live though, you should vote for whoever you want and wear whatever you like.

Seven Dwarves

You may need to read this twice as upon first glance you may think it’s just a general statistic, where in fact they are talking about snow white and her seven dwarves.

 

We believe being in a Disney classic, probably made them very happy.

Welcome To Texas

If brunch is an unhappy affair unless accompanied by alcohol, it’s no surprise that this sign also exists.

 

We wonder which line was the longest, probably the sober line, as the blind wouldn’t be able to see the sign, and the drunk ones wouldn’t be able to stand in a line!

69

You have to be able to read that pretty quickly if you were to catch the small print at the bottom, especially if you’re driving at 69.

 

We guess you would think twice about that speed limit as usually they are rounded up to the nearest 5 or 10.

Sorry

We all have regrets in life, and this one is probably the one that most adults can relate to.

 

How much would you love to take a nap after lunch every day? Still, you live, and you learn!

No Trespassing

Well, that gets the message across loud and clear, though to do all three seems excessive. Stay away, as you’ll be lucky to get out alive, and if you do, you’ll still end up in court.

 

It seems Texans have no mercy when it comes to trespassers.

Sharp Edges

This isn’t the most useful of signs as its real message is written in tiny print at the bottom, but it would make a passer-by laugh at how cautious you should be about the sign’s sharp edges…

 

Especially as they are smooth and curved!

Woodrow`s

For all we know beer could exist on Mars, it would undoubtedly make it a more exciting prospect to visit.

 

This may take a while, so in the meantime we can stop at Little Woodrow’s for the beer and try and save the planet at the same time.

Bull

That bull is super speedy, so if you wish to cross that field alive, you better have some running legs on you.

 

We love this warning sign as its getting across a serious message in a light-hearted way.

Satan

Texas summers can be hot and uncomfortable, you could even say the heat was hellish.

 

It’s no surprise that they are making jokes about giving it back to the devil in exchange for some more mild weather conditions.

Intelligent Cows

This is probably wishful thinking that the cows might be able to close the gate after themselves.

 

You never know, maybe the cows are smarter than we give them credit for?

Be Ware!

Trespassing may be a problem, but this homeowner has his own solution. It might not be a good outcome for whoever tries though, as this homeowner looks like they’d reach for their gun in that situation.

 

It’s best to assume it’s not safe to pass and no one will get hurt.

Hot Sauce

It seems that guns are a common theme here in Texas. Beer and hot sauce are a common theme all over America.

 

All three combined may be just what you need to get you through any sticky situation.

Hokey Pokey

Another excellent example of wordplay here. We remember doing the hokey pokey as kids at birthday parties.

 

Don’t forget to shake it all about!

Suicidal Deer

We have never seen a sign like this before. We are guessing the deer might not be aware of oncoming vehicles and step out into the road without looking, or even knowing to look.

 

So, watch out and drive slowly for the next mile.

Faith Lift

We love a pun and for this church is referring to how life can be difficult sometimes and, in those times, people can turn to religion to help them through.

 

Raise your faith level, and life might seem less ugly.

Lake Ahead

It looks like this sign was planted before the lake filled up. Perhaps this photo was taken during a flood season and is now looking quite ironic.

 

We understand why some passer-by has found this funny.

Existentialism

We saw how much landmass Texas had when we compared it to the map of Europe. It’s no surprise that there are vast expanses of absolutely nothing.

 

22 miles, is almost as long as a marathon, so that’s a lot of nothing.

Only In Texas

Another trip back to our favorite funny restaurant for some sound advice on not to overpay for your coffee.

 

That being said, there is nothing better than a perfectly made latte.

No Checks

Texans like to do things the old-fashion way. That includes paying for things.

 

No checks though. Checks are basically useless pieces of paper in Texas.

Calling It Like It Is

We’ve all been there. Sometimes we’re on the more decisive side of things, sometimes we’re not.

 

The key is to find the right person to deliberate with.

Astronomy

Texas has something for everyone. Even science geeks with a sense of humor.

 

What makes your day?

Look Up

Clouds are often romanticized, which is exactly why this sign is so funny.

 

Now look up and find some cool shapes.

Safety First

Gun control is no joke in Texas.

 

But somehow they find a way to make it humorous.

A Man’s Best Friend

Some food for thought for dog owners.

 

Your dog would love the sign too.

Weather

The unbearable Texas heat could drive people crazy.

 

Still, no matter what, calling the ex is never a good idea.

Be Quiet

This sign must have been written by someone having a bad day.

 

Some meditation should take care of that.

Happy Holidays

Politically correctness can be so difficult to navigate through.

 

This sign still works, though.

Reality Check

Valentine’s Day is a day of reckoning for both single people, people in loving relationships, and everyone in between.

 

Make sure you know which group you’re in.

Vegan

Introverts would appreciate this funny sign.

 

Sometimes you just feel like being at home.

Can You Hear Me?

All you can eat pancakes for breakfast sound like a great idea.

 

Musical concerts in a in a school for the deaf, however, not so much.

Framed

This restroom sticker gives you something to think about.

 

Who’s to know what happened at the Garden of Eden really?

Crossing The Road

The drunk walk is definitely something to beware of.

 

Both walkers and drivers should always lookout.

Seasons

Being season-appropriate is always nice. Especially when it comes with a positive twist on body image.

 

We wonder what they would have to say about summer.

History

Salad always feels like such nice, healthy food. Apparently it wasn’t hard to put a murderous twist on it.

 

RIP Caesar.

Proposal

You can’t miss out on that kind of sale.

 

You pop the question and you two go to the shooting range to celebrate. Who would say no to that?

The Russians Are Coming

This sign is the perfect combination of anthropology class and a good pun.

 

The correct term is a ‘Matryoshka doll’ in case anyone was wondering.

Road-trip

If there is one thing that can beat singing in the shower, it’s singing in the car with a friend.

 

We would recommend you start with Bohemian Rhapsody and see where it takes you.

Welcome

This sign excels in honesty but it’s still hard to believe someone would want to get in there.

 

Enter at your own risk.