Jeffrey Lendrum, pictured here being single tonight, has been dubbed “the Pablo Escobar of eggs,” a compelling moniker that begs the question “how big are this guy’s nostrils?” Unfortunately for his ear, nose, and throat specialists’ bank accounts, the name doesn’t refer to Lendrum’s penchant for snorting sick lines of produce section nose treats but rather to his seemingly insatiable appetite for bird smuggling. See, Jeffrey has a long history of nabbing exotic bird eggs and sneaking them across international lines.

Lendrum first came into the public spotlight in 2010 when, per Outside Online, he was taken into custody at England’s Birmingham Airport. Alerted by a janitor who smelled strangeness afoot, plainclothes counterterrorism agents — presumably having a slow day — discovered that Lendrum was carrying 14 peregrine falcon eggs in what can only be described as a DIY sock papoose board around his stomach. His explanation? They weren’t falcon eggs, they were duck eggs, and his doctor told him to wear them to help his back.

Utilizing keen detective work, law enforcement officials ascertained that the eggs in question were not, in fact, a prescribed medical necessity. Even if the whole thing was a merry mix-up in which a man with scoliosis who could only be treated by liberal application of Huey, Dewey, and Louie accidentally picked up peregrine falcon eggs at the pharmacist like some kind of a dang old dunderhead, it would be remarkably coincidental, as Lendrum had already been arrested twice in Zimbabwe and Canada for endangered egg trafficking. A 30-month prison sentence ensued.