Time to Relax
After decades of serving an industry – or several, even – the hard worker finally has his reward when he gets to carry his stuff out in a big box, shake the hands of his co-workers, and hit the water. That retirement fund payout is the perfect time to head to your local boat shop and find the perfect way to drift on the water.
Take along a few rods and reels and some fishing tackle, and you’ll have a day of fun all planned out – it’s not like you’re doing anything else with your time; you’re retired! Go on, put your feet up.
He’s Ahead of the Game
For most people, the midlife crisis happens after you’ve settled down. You have a nice job, you’ve got a few kids, and your mortgage is almost paid off. After enough time of the same-old, same-old, you might start to feel stir crazy.
You might do something wild, like getting a tattoo on your back that has your favorite comic strip characters fighting a battle royal in a wrestling ring. But this person decided to just get a boat and get a head start on big off-hand life purchases. That’s the kind of initiative that will help you get to high places.
How to Tell if Someone Isn’t Creative
We all remember Harambe. The brave gorilla that gave his life to protect a child that fell into his cage – or something like that. You may also remember when the internet had the chance to name a new polar research vessel, and it came up with the name “Boaty McBoatface.”
Both names became big memes thousands and thousands of years ago, and some genius decided that the best name for his ship was a mashup of the two. Maybe he was busy saving lives as a heart surgeon or something like that.
Well, at Least It’s Clever
It might still be weighed down by the anchor that is a nautical pun, but the name of this boat is at least pretty clever. While cirrhosis of the liver isn’t the kind of thing you want your doctor talking to you about, cirrhosis of the river doesn’t mean anything of the sort.
In fact, it doesn’t have much meaning except for the wordplay. Still, it has that certain something – a bit of a twist on a normal phrase, even if it doesn’t make much sense— it’s still a good name for a boat.
We Do Hope the Boat is Comfortable
Did the fine woman in question okay this name? Because if not, we hope that the one who bought the ship decided to buy a cot, too, because he’s going to be spending a lot of time aboard whether he likes it or not.
We really do feel like naming a ship something that points out the problems in your relationship should be a no-go right from the start, but then again, we don’t own a boat. We hope it’s true that “She’ll Get Over It,” because if she doesn’t, he’s going to be seeing that name every day.
How Long Will it Be?
If you’re sitting on a bench or at a table and you look over to see a ship with the name “Kinda Mine,” you’ll start to think. Is it “Kinda” because the owner still has to pay off the loans they took out to purchase it?
Are they still making payments, so the ship is still part-owned by the bank?. This ship, unlike a lot we’ve seen here, doesn’t have any nautical puns – or puns of any kind – at all. It seems almost…philosophical. How does something become truly yours?
Diversifying Your Portfolio
When it comes to keeping your finances solvent, liquid assets are important. They’re items that you buy, and then you can re-sell, something that maintains its market value no matter what. For most people, these things include cash, checking accounts, and savings.
For some, however, it can mean a big item like a plane or, yes, a ship. Plus, you know, liquid, water. This is the kind of ship name you see when you wander into the rich area of the marina. Only people who have their heads focused on money will come up with this kind of punny name.
Have You Come Up With a Good Nautical Pun Yet?
This seems like the kind of name that came out naturally as the owner was trying to come up with a good name for the new member of the marina. People kept asking him if he had thought of a good one yet, and eventually, he just started saying this.
The name stuck around, and after a few hull stickers, they made it official. “’Fraid Knot” could not only be a joke about ropes and knots, etc., but from the picture we see here, it could also be an answer to the question, “Has the lake melted yet?”
A Ship for the Ladies
This mangled series of letters do have a name in there somewhere, but it’s not the kind of name you should say out loud in polite company. Stuck inside the word yacht is a rude name for those of the female persuasion.
From the picture we have, it’s a little hard to tell if the ship is actually a yacht, but it’s possible. Was the name of this ship there because it’s for the gals of the family? Or is it for the guys of the family to get a place away from the mothers and sisters of the world? Your guess is as good as ours.
We’re Getting Some Conflicting Details Here, Matey
Ah, how clever the owners must have felt when they came up with the name for this ship. It’s got the word knot in there – good start – and then it also has sail. Nobody is going to be getting their hands on this ship when it’s out on the water.
This nautical pun makes this name a classic for the list. A problem arises when the owners decide they don’t want to keep paying to keep this ship on the water and try to off-load it. The “For Sale” sign and the name on the back of the boat make for an even funnier image.
It is a Pretty Big Ship
We sure hope that this isn’t the ship that got stuck in that canal a bit ago. This big, huge ship is probably carrying lots and lots of important items for our lives, like clothes, food, and novelty coasters. It’s too bad it has such an unfortunate name as “Titan Uranus.”
Of course, both of those words are heavenly bodies, with one being the largest moon of Saturn and the second-largest natural satellite in the Solar System. The other is the name of the seventh planet from the sun – it’s also the fourth-largest in the Solar System. Together, the words might mean something else, but we’re sticking with our interpretation.
We Still Don’t Know What a Test Tackle Is
We’re told that the name of this boat is clever, but we have no idea why. We obviously know what the word ‘tackle’ can mean — both fishing gear as well as the ropes that a ship uses to tie itself to a berth. You can also use the tackle to maintain control of the ship.
However, we have no idea why a tackle would be a test since they aren’t something you try out. You just have them. The salty part is obvious since the boat will be on the high seas, which are famously salty.
A Quick Renaming
There are some things that change over time. For instance, a classic member of Egyptian mythology might now only be known as a dangerous group. That is, of course, just a random example.
And hey, speaking of random examples, it looks like the owner of this ship has decided he didn’t like the old name, which began with an unknown letter and ended with “SIS.” All he had to do to put his own spin on the name was take a little bit of spray paint and add a few judicious vowels. Of course, it’s always been this name. Stop asking.
We Wonder What His Name Is
We aren’t going to go and say that the name of this boat is the best thing we’ve ever seen, but at least it isn’t water, sea, or nautical pun. The name of the ship is “50 Shades of Me,” a name that he ripped from the popular novel and movie series “50 Shades of Grey.”
We’re told that the man who owns this boat is named Grey, but we doubt that he’s of the same financial status as Grey from the series, since that Grey could have afforded a much better boat, with plenty of interesting rooms that are, for the most part, private.
Play a Long Note
When the owner of this ship thought up the name “High C’s,” he wasn’t thinking of the actual sea; he was a lot more clever than that. He decided to make a pun based on his favorite instrument, a trumpet, with which he can hit the high C while he’s on the water.
We’re glad to see he went with this musical joke. There’s even a trumpet included – we hope he isn’t going to play that. Saltwater is terrible for brass musical instruments.
A Joke of Two Boats
By now, we all know how this goes. You have an idea for something in your head. Maybe it’s a piece of art like a story or a painting, maybe it’s about how a vacation with the family might go, or maybe it’s about how an item will fit into your life.
The owner or owners of these two boats have been around long enough to know the truth behind things. The bigger, more expensive, and much fancier ship is named “Illusion,” while the smaller and much more affordable boat – and the one that isn’t as comfortable – is called “Reality.”
It’s Great When Things Turn Out for the Better
As far as mistakes go, “Accidentally buying a boat” really does rank up there. We’d love to know how the owners of this ship ended up with such a pricey mistake; how does that happen? You don’t just “oops, I have a boat now.” A ship doesn’t just fall out of the sky and land in your backyard.
But it seems like the new owners of this sea-going vessel have made the best out of a bad situation, dubbing their new item “Favorite Mistake.” Maybe it only took a single trip out on the water for them to realize their new blessing.
No, I’m Not Drunk Occifer
We’d just like to be as clear as possible right here and now: piloting a watercraft while you aren’t at the peak of your mental and physical abilities can be dangerous and dumb. It’s a good thing that the person who named this ship “Sotally Tober” definitely does not get drunk when he or she is on the water, which would, again, be very dangerous.
He or she might have been a bit juiced when painting the name on the side of the ship, but there’s nothing wrong with that. It might make the paperwork a bit tough. Getting your ship legally renamed can be pricey.
A Match Made in Harbor Heaven
One marina visitor noticed something strange about these two boats. See if you can figure out the connection. One fan of the water named Tom decided to have a bit of fun with the name of his handsome ship.
An entirely different member of the marina, berthed just nearby, who is a big fan of a certain movie by a certain Hollywood A-lister, decided to name his ship something just like the movie, though legally distinct in order to protect himself from any liabilities. Could this have been intentional? We may never know, but right now, we can laugh at the incredible coincidence.
When You’re Fine But You’re Not Actually Fine
Caps off, fellas. Stand at attention as this brave soldier goes down. The name of the ship tells us to ignore the problem. The owner might have had no worries most of the time while they were out on the water, but eventually, the facts of life will catch up to you.
It’s always a good idea to take a hard look at your life and worry only about the things you can control while letting the rest float away. The owner of this ship, however, might have taken this advice too literally. A little bit of water always gets in.
Grabbing the Ocean by the Horns
We’re sort of surprised we don’t see this one more often. We’d also expect to see it on a bit of a smaller vessel, like a dingy rowboat or some ship that has been repaired and remade over and over. But this ship looks like it’s always going to be sea-worthy.
It has an enclosed helm, an array of antennae and radio receivers, and probably plenty of other pieces of boating gear. This thing is a yacht! With a name like “Bullship,” however, the person who named it is probably not going to put up with anything.
Lots of Sleepless Nights
If you have a boat that is taking up all of your daytime thoughts, it’s going to start taking over your nocturnal thoughts, too. Boy, it’s a good thing that there’s no other way to interpret this boat’s name.
The person who owns this boat is always dreaming about hitting the waves, feeling the spray in his hair, the gentle up-and-down motion, the back-and-forth. The feeling of exhilaration, the euphoria, the overwhelming joy. It’s enough to make a man weep and go to sleep with dreams of his next chance to rev the engines.
He’s Very Familiar with the Local Coast Guard
It’s quite the tactic to flaunt the illegal way in which you got enough money to afford a boat, but there’s a good reason to give a watery getaway a name like this. You see, the person behind this boat is just a pharmacist. So, while the name is perfectly correct, it’s also perfectly legal!
He won’t get pulled over a lot since he has the perfect cover story. He’s not dealing anything illegal; he just has a profitable pharmacy somewhere on-shore! Is that going to be true every time he heads out onto the water? Hard to be sure.
Throw Out Your Line
If you’re good at doing something, what better way to advertise it than naming your vessel after it? A baiter is someone who loves to cast out a line and reel in a big fish, and being the best at it can garner a lot of attention.
Nobody will think anything other than how good this person is at fishing when they see this ship. Hold on; we’re getting a message from another department. Oh. Okay. Well, that’s just crude. It still makes more sense for it to be about fishing.
A ship or a boat is a pretty big expense. Just the initial cost might cause sticker shock, not to mention equipment, repairs, berthing costs, and fuel. Altogether, it might drain a bank account, even if it does fill your heart with memories.
The Kids Inheritance is something for the entire family to enjoy, though once the inevitable happens and the kids have to split up the estate, it might get difficult to divide the boat into separate parts. We’re sure they’ll be able to work out some sort of time-share system.
Messing With the IRS
Thumbing your nose at the IRS is usually not a very good idea. If this boat’s name – Tax Sea-vation – is indeed true and not just a joke, then the owner may just be getting a call from a few accountants. We aren’t sure if the Internal Revenue Service has its own ships or boats to patrol the waters, so they may need to get the Coast Guard in on it.
Several states offer tax rebates for putting money into a boat, which gives this name another meaning that might have been the reasoning. Otherwise, we wonder what this owner is hiding.
Now Featuring Marlin Brando
How much would it be to make the owner of this boat an offer he couldn’t refuse? The Codfather is yet another one of those charming names that take something we know and love – in this case, one of the most famous and legendary movies ever made, directed by Francis Ford Coppola – and twisted it to make it a little more sea-worthy.
Like Knot Stolen, they even added some artwork that is somewhere between classy and cringeworthy. Even the biggest fish in the sea needs to watch out for the Codfather, but we do wonder if Tommy’s guns work underwater.
Me and the Buoys
We haven’t seen nautical puns in a while. The Yeah Buoy seems like a party boat, and with a berth in Milwaukee, WI, that means there are plenty of drinks aboard – though we’re sure the driver stays responsible. This boat has plenty of good vibes, and it evokes everyone’s favorite clock-wearing hype man Flava Flav.
Oh man, what if it’s Mr. Flav’s boat? Does this famous rapper hail from the greatest state in the union? Does he like football? Maybe he’s a Green Bay Packers fan. Roll out the barrel, Flava.
We’ve already learned that it’s important to get away from it all and relax a little. Letting your mind go free and focusing on the distant horizon helps bring everything into perspective, and having the chance to catch dinner is just an added bonus. Reel Therapy sounds like a common way to help you prepare for your next busy day, even if you don’t have the ability to take your boat out.
Calm hours, the waves splashing against the hull, and the gentle tug of your line as you get a few nibbles sounds like heaven even to those who might not like to eat fish.
The Lift Is Up
This is the kind of name we can get behind. It has a little bit of nautical style, but it doesn’t rely on a silly pun or something that makes us think a ship is the only good thing in the owner’s life. If you’re a sailor, and you like using the power of nature to keep you moving instead of a noisy, smelly gasoline engine, Just Add Wind.
Sailing is no easy feat. There are plenty of things to remember, or you may find yourself becalmed or taking an unexpected dip. The wind is your friend when sailing, but it’s also your foe.
It’s clear these boats are two parts of a pair. We aren’t sure if they’re owned by the same person who has his pick of seafaring equipment; they’re under the auspices of a pair of siblings who have spent their lives in squabbles or a husband-and-wife team who spend plenty of time nipping at each other’s heels.
When they’re in these boats, the boats do the talking. As far as the “wood” part of Wood Too and Wood Not refer to, we can only assume the boats are painted wood. We wonder which wood win in a race?
A Sailing Seal
The cutest captain to sail the seven seas is ready to cast off. The Sea Wiener, giggle-worthy name aside, at least doesn’t include any nautical puns. I mean, it has the word “sea” in the name, but as far as we can tell, it isn’t a pun. It also has some regal artwork of a dachshund next to it, so you know exactly what the name means. No confusion here.
And look! You can even see the wiener in question in the picture, lazing on his perch and just waiting for another chance to hit the waves. Can’t you sea him?
Okay, let’s see. It has a nautical theme thanks to some vivid and detailed artwork, as well as the elongated R in the title, but other than that; the Arrr Boat doesn’t seem to have much to do with the water.
Is that all there is to the name? Is an R boat a certain type of ship? It looks like yes, but unless the boat in this picture is also a German minesweeping boat that was in use during World War II, we don’t think it applies here. Oh! It’s supposed to mean “our boat”! Man, that is not a good name!
Three Sheets in the Wind
I Sheet You Knot is, like a few other names we’ve already seen, a silly way to slip in a little bit of blue humor, but maybe it’s more than that.
Perhaps this is the order of things aboard, with the one who came up with the title handling the sheets (which we have to assume are the sails) and the second person – the spouse, the friend, the offspring, even – is the one in charge of the ropes and knots. This is a great way to make sailing smoother. Or maybe it’s just to sneak a swear word in there.
Just Don’t Fall Asleep.
The gentle tilt of the boat’s surface under your feet might be hard to ignore when you first step on, but eventually, it will feel like second nature. It’s like floating through the air, and it’s altogether too easy to fall asleep while resting on a bobbing boat. The owner of the Hypnautic knows for certain that – oh, for Pete’s sake! It’s another pun!
Here’s some hypnotism for you: follow the pocket watch with your eyes. Back and forth, back and forth. Listen to my words. Repeat after me: I will stop using puns in boat names. I will stop using puns in boat names. I will stop using puns in boat names.
No Need to Dig a Tunnel
The Great Escape, the movie, is a classic film set in a World War II POW camp, starring Steve McQueen, Donald Pleasence, Charles Bronson, and plenty of other huge figures. It was a triumph, which may be why this owner has named his boat after the film.
In the film, the POWs use a number of escape methods to get away from their German captors, but this method seems to be singular. All you have to do is jump aboard and start the engine—no need for digging, motorcycles, or learning German. Still seems pretty great.
We wonder how things are at home for this boat owner. He (and we assume it’s a he) has chosen to name his boat Aweigh from Wife. A boat is a big expenditure, and spending a ton of money on something that gets you out of the house does raise eyebrows unless the better half bestows her blessings.
We can’t fault anyone for needing a place to go when the world starts to get too crazy, but hopefully, this is a tongue-in-cheek joke that the wife approves of. All anchors away from the stressful world.
Drinks Like a Fish
This is only slightly better. The owner of the Aquaholic is at least upfront about the addiction, which is the first step toward recovery.
An addiction to anything can be dangerous, and spending too much time boating can be detrimental, and it may even be more expensive than anything else you buy from a shady man in a van. At least…you know, the similarities are starting to line up. You might lose friends, you might start to lose teeth (if you’re that bad at piloting your boat), but at least you can come up with a funny name for your boat.
A hoard of ravenous zombies racing after someone is a common fear (even though murder hornets are what we should really be scared of. Or just normal dogs! If the dogs turn on us, we’re all doomed!). Of course, conventional wisdom tells us that the risen dead can’t swim. We don’t know why that’s the conventional wisdom, but apparently, even though they’ve clawed their way out of their graves and can walk on two legs, swimming is just craziness.
So why not spread this piece of handy knowledge with a boat named Zombies Can’t Swim. Hopefully, they have some food, water, and shotgun shells aboard, too.
So Bad It’s Good
“Breaking Bad” was one of the most well-regarded and famous shows to ever hit television. A cross between a crime drama and a Shakespearean tragedy, the show ran from 2008 to 2013 on AMC. There are plenty of people who are still big fans, and one chooses to dub his ship “Breaking Bass,” taking inspiration not only from the name but from the show’s logo.
We’ll see a couple of other ship or boat names that merge a pair of loves, such as television and fishing, and they’re always fun. They might not be as clever as some of the other names, but they’re still memorable.
Just Being Honest
We can only hope this is the only other woman in this man’s life, or the wife is going to end up being pretty upset. The name of this boat, The Other Woman, at least speaks to an honest approach, since we imagine if this is the kind of name the man gave his boat, his better half is the kind that demands a certain amount of honesty. At least he isn’t trying to keep his two loves secret from one another.
Though that raises an interesting question: does the boat know where the owner goes at night? Does the boat wonder who the *other* other woman is?
My Favorite Town in Germany
There’s nothing like an authentic international flavor to our boat name puns. The Fahrfrum Wurken is based out of some tiny country known as “Bradford.” We wonder what language they speak there.
It seems the puns leap the language barrier and never look back since this is yet another name that paints the boat as an escape, indeed as a thing to look forward to as you toil. The boat is the perfect way to do this — it not only creates a specific space designed for relaxation, but if you turn your devices off, then it’s impossible for anyone to reach you with their trivial work-related woes.
It Is What It Is
Anything can happen on the open water. From a dolphin attack to a tsunami, there are lots of eventualities. Such is the same in life in general, which is why this philosopher boat owner has named this vessel Ship Happens. The placement of the ladder on the aft almost gives it a censored look.
Thankfully, jumping onto a boat and taking to the water is a great way to escape the craziness of life, and having a boat that announces your thoughts on things like flat tires, annoying co-workers, and house repairs is a good way to put it out of your mind and relax a little.
Should Have Seen It Coming
Has this person never heard of tempting fate? The Titanic went down to the icy depths more than a hundred years ago, but the story is still with us. This boat owner decided to add his modest ship to the long list of sea-faring vessels that have borne this legendary name, and then the predictable happened.
Titanic II at least had a lower body count. While the original ended up being the final trip for over fifteen hundred people, this disaster was somewhat smaller in scale, resulting in zero deaths and a couple of pretty funny pictures.
Wow, it’s another pun. How blessed are we that we get to see all of these amazing boats, water, sailing, and marine puns? Boy, it’s a good thing none of us have anything important to do, like create lasting works of art, raise children, improve ourselves, or hit the books to learn a handy new skill so that we can sink into this pile of puns.
Is the Sea Señor, like, on a deck or something like that? It almost looks like they’re on a lawn, but that’s just astroturf or something like that. Wherever it is, this boat sure is a handsome gentleman.
Ahead of Its Time
The owner of this boat must have some experience under his belt. Not a lot of boating experience, if the name Uh-oh! gives us any indication, but he at least has experience of his own history out on the water, which may be why he chose to paint this name upside-down.
That’s not the kind of name you forget, especially if you see it right-side-up. Hopefully, the owner has a couple of life jackets, a flare gun, and an inflatable raft stashed away in there. The seas are often rough, which means that this name might end up being prescient.
I Sea What You Did There
We’re getting the feeling that all of these names are going to be puns. I guess you could call it… A sinking feeling.
Water U Lookin’ At is an interesting name, to say the least. It has a drop of ocean humor — if you can call it humor. It also seems to be needlessly antagonistic, and if the Coast Guard comes calling, then hopefully tempers won’t rear their ugly heads, especially since bullhorns make it a little bit difficult to distinguish someone saying a name of a ship from someone just shouting angrily. No, we aren’t going to apologize for that sinking feeling pun. It’s better for you to get used to it now.
A Friend Indeed
Now here’s a name that you might not think twice about. But when given a few moments, you will notice the many layers that came together to create Friendship.
So, first off, the word ship is in the name. That right there, that’s a pretty good starting point. But let’s dig deeper – does the name state that the ship itself is a friend? Is the name supposed to exclaim the owner’s love for one of life’s simple joys? Maybe, in fact, the owner likes to spend his time with friends. Whatever the underlying message, we bet this boat has been the spot for plenty of parties.
Not Giving in
When everybody is telling you what you should do, it can sometimes be hard to go your own way. Thankfully, the owner of the Pier Pressure ignored all the voices telling him, “Every boat has a nautical pun! Do something different for cripes’ sake! Also, we’re jumping off a cliff; you should come!”
Doing your own thing, ignoring the haters, and striking out on your own is just like a captain. It’s just you and the waves – you and your thoughts. There’s no reason to always be thinking about the people who weigh you down like an anchor when you’re out on the water.
Either This or Orange Juice
Staying healthy is hard, sometimes. You need the right vitamins and minerals, the right macros – that’s, carbs, proteins, and fats – and the right number of calories. You should also try to get the right kind of exercise, both cardio and strength-building, but mostly do what’s fun for you. This boat, the Vitamin Sea, reminds us of another important way to stay healthy.
And that, my friends, is relaxation. Keeping the right amount of stress on your body and on your mind helps you build resilience, keep your body from breaking down, and helps you tackle problems with a finely tuned mind.
As Fast as Can Be
This isn’t a fancy paint job, but we can’t help but appreciate the cleverness of such a name. We all know Usain Bolt as the Jamaican sprinter who captured the hearts of people around the world with his unbelievable speed, brilliant smile, and an eager personality.
We suspect that the Usain Boat isn’t as fast as the man himself since boats rarely get up to that kind of speed unless they have a motor or two. On the other hand, if this boat and Usain Bolt had a race on the water, our money would be on the boat. Could there be a boat named after Michael Phelps?
Getting seasick is something that almost everyone who is regularly on a boat has experienced at one time or another, but if it hits you really badly, then you might end up recreating the name of this boat, the Bow-Movement.
Hopefully, this isn’t part of the boat’s history – it doesn’t seem like the largest vessel on the water, which leaves us wondering where exactly that kind of movement would take place. No, really. Would it just be, like…over the side?
Think About It
Plenty of boat owners have had trouble coming up with a good name for their new vessel. It has to be clever, it has to be nautical, and it has to be unique. This is where we got the name Knot Shore, which also has the added benefit of giving us some insight into the owner’s difficulty in christening his addition to the marina.
It’s a good name, it’s a conversation starter, and it’s punchy enough to stick in mind in a good way. There’s also the fact that it’s a great way to start a “Who’s on First” style running gag, though hopefully not too often, or the owner will start to lose friends.
Oh Yeah, Aboat That…
The Aboat Time is hopefully berthed somewhere out of Canada, which makes this name just a little bit better. You see, if you’ve never interacted with our neighbors to the north, they pronounce things a little bit differently in some places. For instance, they pronounce “about” like “aboat.” I need to stop explaining these jokes so much.
To explain further, the name speaks much about how this owner spends his or her time. Through meetings, commuting, errands, and more, this person is just waiting until the next opportunity to jump aboard and hit the water. It truly is a boat time. Oh, maybe that’s what it means.
Just So You Know
Oh, good! Well, pack it up boys, this clearly isn’t the stolen boat we’ve been looking for. What? How can I tell? Well, the name of it is Knot Stolen; what else are we supposed to take from that?
It’s a pretty great name, ya know, what with the imaginative nautical wordplay that gets the reader chucklin’. And look! The K in Knot is even designed like it’s a couple of ropes tied together. There’s no way someone who came up with this kind of decoration could ever possibly be a thief, even if we are looking for a boat with this exact description from Key West.
Everybody is happy to get a package in the mail. Ah…no, hold on. It seems there’s no way to properly introduce this name. It’s the Righteous Bikini Babe Express. Yes, it’s only good clean fun here. We all know that this boat has a specific kind of owner. Aged, trying too hard. Male. But WHAT IF.
What if it’s actually a gal? Or a bunch of gals? And they see so many sad, unhappy parties out on the water that they decided they had a market spot to take over and thus was born the most successful business ever.
In the vernacular, a Cadillac is a big, beautiful vehicle. Yes, it’s a real car brand that is famous for creating luxury cars – most likely your grandfather drove one – but it also means the best, the biggest, and the most expensive.
The Kountry Kadillac helps take you out on the water in style and an eye-catching paint job to boot. There are no sails or fancy motors here; it’s fueled by good ol’ elbow grease. Want to get moving? Then grab an oar and put your back into it. Don’t worry, there are plenty of lifejackets, and we’re sure there are going to be plenty of stories.
A Busy Schedule
Well well. Of all things, a ship that doesn’t have something nautical in the name. It is, instead, a handy excuse for why someone wasn’t able to make it to the in-laws in time (or maybe get to work on time, which would raise plenty of additional questions).
There’s nothing like a meeting on the water. Perhaps the owner gathers with like-minded owners to trade gossip or get some important fishing done. It’s a meeting of the minds and of the hulls. But then again, if he uses this excuse too much, he may find himself with a little bit of extra time on his hands.
Live the Moment
This is the perfect name for a boat stationed out of Las Vegas. Wait a minute, how much water do they have there? Enough for at least one boat, we suppose. Take charge of your relaxation when you have a boat with this name, Seas the day.
This is an uplifting name. Even if you aren’t fixing to spend the day on the man-made waves (we assume, since it is Las Vegas), looking at this name will help you put your foot down as the challenges start to arise. And, of course, it’s a nautical pun because everybody loves those, right? Right?
It’s All Water Hazards
As far as we’re concerned, Florida has two things: lots of places to park your boat and lots of places to park your golf clubs. The Golf to Gulf is all about both of them, and there’s nothing like a boat name that combines two loves of the owner.
Sunny ocean trips and a nice walk through a golf course seem like a pretty good Saturday morning, if we’re being honest. This ship even has some custom artwork to drive the point home. Oh, no, we just did a pun. This is getting out of hand.
This Might as Well Work
It seems the power of the puns is running out. The owner of the Wetever couldn’t be bothered to put all that much thought into it, so the first nautical pun that came to mind ended up on the side of the boat.
Then again, the simple nature of the name and the simplicity with which it is delivered is a credit to the creator. It’s a look at the owner’s psyche. Whoever it is, he or she seems pretty chill, able to let things roll off the back like so much water off a duck.
This clever little pun doesn’t even use full words. By now, everyone should know that the circular A symbol means “at,” which helps us learn where this person’s happy place is. We do wonder why they decided to have “sea” turn into “C.” Perhaps it’s personal or an inside joke.
It’s also possible that this owner has a bit of computer knowledge under his belt. C (and its offshoots) is a classic coding language, and the @ symbol is part of a lot of computer languages, as well as email addresses.
More Like Party Mode
Turn on Lake Mode and get your engine on the way toward fun and relaxation. The best part about this name is the artwork that makes it look like an option to toggle on your phone. Airplane mode means your phone doesn’t accept any signals, and turning on Lake Mode looks like it’s made to get the party started.
This boat even features some rockin’ lighting. Hey, let us know the next time you’re about to turn on Lake Mode, my man, because there are plenty of us here who could benefit from that kind of experience.
Farewell to Boats
Say goodbye to this painful pun. The Sea Ya, huh? How long did it take you to come up with that one? How many crumpled-up sheets of lined yellow paper fill the trash can of this owner? Did he jolt awake in the middle of the night shouting Eureka?
One way or the other, we’re sure he’s happy for that load off his mind. We just hope nobody in the family had to ask for clarification because this is just about the lowest of the low when it comes to the branches of the humor tree. What would be funnier is if this boat is pretty slow, so people call out see ya to it as they pass.
Lock Me Up and Throw Away the Key
Since this name doesn’t have anything to do with water or the sea, it may seem unintuitive, but here’s what we’ve come up with. Mental Jail probably has to do with the fact that the owner’s mind is always on the water in one way or another.
Even if he or she is stuck on the freeway or stuck in a meeting, they can still hear the gently splashing waves, the creaking dock, the snapping ropes. The heady scent of the marina and the taste of a piece of fresh fish grilled moments after stealing it from the water.
A Meal From Across the Pond
This one is a hefty two-fer. It’s a nautical pun and a reference to women! I hesitate to call it inappropriate since it merely mentions the existence of women, but if that’s what floats your boat (ha!), go ahead.
Fish & Chicks is a play on a classic United Kingdom meal, fish and chips, which we would call fish and fries, but they got their words all mixed up over there. This boat is all about two things: Gross slimy monsters and fish. We kid, we kid.
Boat owners and nerds don’t often overlap, but when they do, wonderful things happen. One of the wonderful things is the name of this next boat, Error 404 Fish Not Find. Now, of course, you don’t need us to tell you that a 404 error is when someone tries to navigate to a website’s page, and while the website itself does exist, the specific page doesn’t.
And the fisherman is the same way. He knows the water is there, and the fish are in the water, but what if he (or she) can’t find the right fish? They get an error.
Yes, this is the best boat of all time. I mean, could it be more perfect? The name, Pugboat, is a play on a tugboat, and the accompanying picture has this vessel just packed with cuddly little guys. Regular tugboats, who perform a critical service for bigger ships? Get outta here. Pugboats, filled to the brim with fuzzy friends? Now we’re talking.
It’s like a nautical version of that one Drake meme. Now, for the important question: Did the owner have a lot of dogs before buying the boat or did the name come first, and the dogs showed up next? All aboard this excellent ship, and here’s your pug.
Heavy Metal Fan
Please headbang responsibly. Wear a lifejacket, and don’t get your heavy metal hair caught in any moving parts. It kind of looks like this name was taped on using electrical tape or duct tape, but that’s actually a pretty good approximation of the Slayer logo; I just edited the smallest bit. It almost takes a moment to see that it’s actually a homophone of “sailor.”
Turn that dial all the way to eleven, and hope that the liquid all around you is actually water when you take this ship out to sea and start to blast your favorite band.
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