Toilet Cobras Terrorize Jakarta Citizens

Nestle under the covers, children. The hour is late, the lights are dimming, and the larks have quieted their song to make room for the nightingales. Before you shuffle off to dreamland, let’s read a bedtime story. This is the tale of how on December 15th, a man went to the bathroom and found eighteen cobras in his toilet.

Once upon a time, according to AsiaOne News, in the far-away-but-not-so-far-away-that-it-won’t-definitely-happen-to-you-too land of Jakarta, a man got up to use the toilet, as many of us are wont to do. Imagine his surprise, children, when he arrived in the bathroom and found more than a dozen small cobras cuddling in the bowl, quiet and cuddly as a tangle of venomous reptiles can be. While it isn’t directly alluded to in the news brief, it can be safely assumed that at this point, he went ahead and relieved himself anyway, though presumably not of his own will.

King cobras in the porcelain throne

The local fire department was called in to help, little ones, and spent half an hour wrangling wrangling twelve-and-then-eight-more slithering horror shows from the man’s bathroom, making sure to catch each and every one, since they were small enough to hide just about anywhere and cobra venom can kill you in less than thirty minutes. This was probably exactly the way that the firemen in question had hoped to spend their days on the job.

While the cobras in question, whose naturally occurring neurotoxins cause swift respiratory paralysis, were reportedly transferred to a snake preserve, this likely won’t be the last that the town in Kembangan district hears from them. According to the home’s owner, her father’s nearby warehouse had also recently been infested with the critters, and their neighbor had found a snake in their toilet as well. The point is, this could happen to anybody and, according to Murphy’s Law, given enough time, it will.

Sweet dreams.

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