The Real Reason A Bigfoot-Hunting Bill Was Introduced In Oklahoma
The state of Oklahoma sometimes gets a bad rap. It’s known for being flat, dusty, a favorite target of tornadoes, and, as the country band Cross Canadian Ragweed alleged, “Them boys from Oklahoma roll their joints all wrong.” But every once in a while a quirky place like Oklahoma will do something that totally redeems itself in the eyes of the world. This occurred in January 2021, when the state finally made moves to allow for the hunting of the ever-elusive Bigfoot. According to The Associated Press, state representative Justin Humphrey introduced a bill aiming to establish an official, state-regulated hunting season for the hirsute, bipedal beast. Humphrey, a republican, represents a district in southeast Oklahoma where the woody Ouachita Mountains are located.
It’s not uncommon to find Bigfoot trackers stalking the sylvan slopes of the Ouachitas, and one local tourist attraction — The Blue Zip Line & Farm — even hosts an annual Bigfoot festival and conference. Humphrey said the goal of the bill is to give his district’s Bigfoot tourism sector a shot in the arm. “Establishing an actual hunting season and issuing licenses for people who want to hunt Bigfoot will just draw more people to our already beautiful part of the state,” he said. But, just how does Representative Humphrey plan to regulate the hunting of this mythical creature, which, we’ll remind you, is rather human-shaped?
Oklahoma hopes to offer a reward for the capture of Bigfoot
Humphrey’s Bigfoot bill also puts a bounty on the hairy one’s head. He is aiming to be able to offer a $25,000 reward to anyone who successfully captures the beast. Also, for pretty obvious reasons, the bill doesn’t allow for actual hunting of Bigfoot, i.e., killing. No rifles, poisons, or bow and arrows allowed. The law would only allow hunters to trap Bigfoot, not kill him. Sending a bunch of Oklahomans out into the woods to go shooting at a bipedal being would just be dangerous. Better they be out there setting up trip wires, cages, and those cartoon rope traps that will snag him by the big ole foot.
As you might expect, Humphrey’s bill does not have the support of other departments in the Oklahoma state government, namely, the Department of Wildlife Conservation. Spokesman Micah Holmes told the local ABC News affiliate that his department does not support the idea of a Bigfoot hunting season. “We use science-driven research, and we don’t recognize Bigfoot in the state of Oklahoma,” said Holmes. He said his department wouldn’t be too happy about having to issue hunting licenses for a creature it doesn’t believe exists. But really, what could go wrong?
Even Bigfoot hunters don't support Oklahoma's Bigfoot hunting bill
Even without an official hunting season, Oklahoma’s wooded areas aren’t lacking in truth-seeking Bigfoot believers hot on the trail of the most elusive gigantic man-shaped hairy creature in modern history. One such seeker is D.W. Lee, a member of the Mid-America Bigfoot Research Association and regular contributor to the esteemed Bigfoot Field Guide Magazine. He and other researchers prefer to call Bigfoot “the creature.” He says that he has been seeking the “mix between an orangutan and a human” for decades and has had his fair share of close calls. “I’ve had 26 encounters that I can say was actually a Bigfoot,” he told ABC.
However, despite his certainty that the creature is out there and his determination to find it, he does not support Humphrey’s Bigfoot hunting season bill. “The efforts of the people out there actually being serious about the effort to prove these things exist — it really hampers us,” he said, adding that the practice could endanger people. “Now you got people thinking, ‘Oh, I can go out there and shoot a Bigfoot.’ Well, they go out there looking for anything that’s on two legs.”
We’re pretty sure we know what’s going on here. The Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation and the Mid-America Bigfoot Research Association are obviously in cahoots on a conspiracy to keep us from finding the Bigfoot ourselves. But we’ll show them. Come Bigfoot hunting season, it’s on.
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